When she can't believe in marriage


My colleague is unable to deal with a very difficult situation due to limited financial income.

I know that her boyfriend, as in recent years, will not send her any letters, will not offer any communication - she does not know, is he dead or alive. My friend always cries at the idea of her boyfriend's severe treatment.

I've had enough of trying to comfort my friend. The crying never ends. There's no solution except to get emotional and cry all the time. Her boyfriend broke up with her to work abroad.  

She keeps telling me about how she first met her boyfriend in the market, "Kamala, I was poor. I was collecting wood and selling it. While I was waiting, I met my boyfriend. He was kind of good-looking. We fell in love together. I joined him in a big city. He went back to work, but he got back to me every year. He brought me all kinds of things. I was happy, but later on I learned that he had married another woman."

My friend had no more control over herself and cried bitterly. I know very well that after that, his boyfriend did not send him any money and that he did not go to her. My friend set up a little tea stand and she was able to earn a living. The tea booth was her need in the process of life and she spent years on it.

"Kamala, I will not remarry, even a handsome young man came from the city and loved me recently." 

When she said that to me at our dinner, I was dumbfounded, and later asked, "What are you talking about?"

"He who comes for tea every day", laughs his mother.

My friend said, “When I leave after my wedding, my mom is going to be alone. I don't want to leave her alone, perhaps I can't leave her like this.”

His mother got serious and said, Maybe after your marriage, I'll find happiness too. They say he makes good money. He's a perfectly appropriate husband for you!

I gave her a smile. I want to laugh at words such as making money, and appropriate.

I obviously compare the man who wants to marry my friend with his ex-boyfriend who has gone to work.  If I need to tell the truth, they both look alike. But even the word 'marriage' makes me timid and I become sentimental and run to the roof.

Flowers, trees and little plants dance to the rhythm of the wind. Everyone will appreciate me and say: What a beautiful flower, how pleasant it is! How lovely!" Maybe people will insert me into their hair and maybe others will make up poems when they see me.

From the roof of my house, one sees the man's room. From his room where a weak lamp burns, a continuous sound of the violin makes itself heard too.

I learned that the man was singing too, and I don't know why my spirit tempts me to listen to his songs. And truly, the man was singing songs that sounded very gentle, indeed. When I listened to her songs, I wanted to play music all night, sitting there. Many pages of my life are blank and I wanted to color the blank pages of my life while I listened to the melody of his songs.

My friend told me first thing in the morning: Look! The young man comes today, I must decide. Your eyes are a bit red, maybe you went to sleep late last night.”

I try to escape it, but in my ears resonate the airs of the same songs and somehow, somewhere, the face of the man appeared before me.

Three men came, one of them himself. My friend went outside. The man grins slowly and my friend feels uneasy. What made her feel so weak and sentimental?

I try to remember my ideal, which includes a life I wanted to live, and the unexpected struggle to do so.

Perhaps after marriage, she'll be enslaved. That means she has to live like a housewife because she has to spend her whole life in charity.

Where are his ideals headed? His desires will extend everywhere and he will be lost, incapable of control. Without any reason, all her hopes and all her imaginations that filled her a moment ago are shattered. She wants to get away from this guy. She watches her mother in depth and finds her smiling. He's talking about something to prepare the marriage. Even my friend doesn't believe in getting married. She feels a rush inside and starts to breathe quickly. I also feel kind of sad. His mother comes in happily, "What happened to you all of a sudden?"

I started weeping and saying, Mother, she really wants to get married. You can't make her. She wants to be free.”

Mom said, "It's a woman. She has no right to spend the rest of her life with her mom. There's nothing to worry about. He decided not to take a silver present. In addition, finding a good man today is extremely difficult.”

There is a thunderstorm blowing and there is a flash with me and the heart cries out with a terrible situation. What must I do or not do for my friend?

I do not obey her orders, but I remain inside with her.

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